Sports Quotient

Gideon Haigh on N Srinivasan’s claim of having no conflict of interest issues

N Srinivasan, was more conflicted than Kashmir: BCCI secretary, IPL governing council member, president of the Tamil Nadu Cricket Association, proprietor of the Chennai Super Kings, which employed India’s captain as its captain and India’s chairman of selectors as “brand ambassador”.

I am wondering what else is left ?

As in, who else can Mr Srinivasan hire or what other offices can he assume before he thinks that there is the remote possibility that his cricket interests are conflicting.

He could hire the match referees and the umpires as his team’s assistant coaches.

Or he could become the third umpire himself.

Or he could contract Chirayu Amin’s pharmaceutical company to supply vitamins and other health supplements to his various teams.

Or he could recruit Shashank Manohar as his legal counsel.

Or he could hire Rajeev Shukla as a media affairs consultant for the SuperKings.

Or he could recruit Prof Ratnakar Shetty ( a chemistry teacher at Wilson College when he is not serving Indian cricket) as head of R&D at India Cements.

Or he could become head of the BCCI’s stadiums committee and decide which cement to buy for the stadiums’ construction and repair.

Or he could become the head of the match allocation committee and decide how many matches should be hosted by Chepauk.

Or he could hire L Sivaramakrishnan to play the SuperKings mascot.

Or he could hire Sharad Pawar’s son in law as the SuperKings representative during player auctions. Supriya Sule will still feign ignorance about having anything to do with the IPL.

I give up.

I don’t think there is any way Mr Srinivasan will have a conflict of interest issue.

Coach Gary Kirsten’s mantra for Indian cricketers to have sex to boost competitiveness could soon lead to the following scenarios.

Coaching academies across the country also starting sex-education classes to ensure that their wards are in top quality mental shape.

Coaches accused of molesting their pupils pleading that they were merely trying to get them mentally prepared for the action.

The BCCI sending under-performing players to a recovery program in the red-light district of Amsterdam. This could also lead to a situation of players under-performing on purpose to get more ‘sexual’ treatment.

Dressing rooms to have a new section called the ‘undressing room’.

Viagra getting banned by the ICC as an illegal performance enhancing drug.

John Buchanan’s entourage of trainers and assistant coaches getting a new addition – a stripper. Also Buchanan coaching his players to be ambidextrous - in the practise of the going solo technique.

The next IPL could be sponsored by Playboy.

The ‘Kitkat break’ getting replaced by the ‘Kamasutra break’.

Tournaments  will also have an official condom like official drink, official chewing gum and official carrier.