Sports Quotient

These two men are coaches of high profile national sides. Young players from both teams have recently made transfer headlines. The two coaches have also managed to get into the spotlight by proffering free transfer advice to their wards. Their advice is an interesting study in contrast.

Mano Menzes has promised a return to the beautiful game for the national side and his debut win over the USA was a powerful statement of intent. He played the Santos troika of Robinho, Neymar and Ganso and the team clearly benefitted from their telepathic understanding - all thanks to playing and practising together on a daily basis. When Neymar was mulling over a dream move to Chelsea , the coach advised him to stay at Santos and continue his development. He was right in believing that Brazil will benefit from having three of their brightest attacking players continuing to play together at Santos. Menzes will give Neymar the best opportunity to excel for the national team and that is the best thing that can happen for the youngster. If he does well for Brazil, he will have more suitors chasing his signature soon.

Joachim Loew was the architect of one of the finest young sides to be seen at a World Cup in recent times. One of the key components of his team was Mesut Ozil, whose World Cup performances elicited interest from the biggest clubs around Europe. Ozil was interested to play for a side where he could get regular first team football – extremely important for a footballer who is still learning. As he deliberated over his options, which included the likes of Man United, Real Madrid and Chelsea, the German coach advised him to shun the English suitors and accept Real’s offer.

His logic was inexplicable.

Real are choc a bloc with players who play in the same position as Ozil. Man United on the other hand are short on quality mid-fielders and were in a far better position to guarantee first team football. Ozil flourished in the free flowing German attack which was built on team work and deft passing. Its resemblance to Man United’s style is far greater than the similarities it shares with Real’s approach.

Unless Mourinho and Loew know something which we don’t, it looks unlikely that Loew’s advice to Ozil will have any positive after affect on the German national side which Loew manages.

Chelsea were chasing both players and ended up with neither. The advice given by Menzes and Loew were in stark contrast but the champions of England ended on the wrong side of both.

When LeBron James finally decided to tell the world that he was joining the Miami Heat, he announced, “I am taking my talents down to South Beach”. In the history of transfer announcements and resignation letters, this was a new one – and its already caught on in the US. People have already started to use variants of this term to announce movement of talent.

And there is no shortage of Indians who could use it.

It will make for a great press conference if Mamta Banerjee celebrates her victory in the WB assembly elections by saying “I am taking my talents down to the Writers Building” (and deciding to spare the Railway ministry)

Sania Mirza could have broken the hearts of her many admirers, disappointed her fans ( the ones who see her as a tennis player) and antagonized all the staunch nationalists by declaring “I am taking my talents across the border to Pakistan”

I am sure Shah Rukh Khan ( whose narcissism quotient matches up well with that of LeBron’s) would have loved to announce his decision to enter the IPL bidding to his million followers with a cool “I am taking my talents down to the world of cricket”

And when he finally realized his ambition of heading the ICC, Sharad Powar could have blared into the microphone “I am taking my talents down to the headquarters of world cricket”

Every youth who decides to become a terrorist could say “I am taking my talents across the Khyber Pass”

If and when Irfan Pathan finally decides to give up on his struggles with cricket, he will get a chance to say “I am taking my talents down to bollywood”

Every aspiring film star who finally seeks solace and employment in the world of Television would say “I am taking my talents down the road to Balaji Telefilms”

And rather than use a very sedate – I have decide to start out on my own - every budding entrepreneur could tweet “I am taking my talents down to the world of self employment”

Every time a politician or a businessman joins a sports federation, he will say “I am taking my talents to stop India from winning any medals in this sport”

And as of now I am taking my talents to the lunch room

His England sides always qualified for major tournaments. His successor and home grown Englishman Steve McClaren failed to do that in his first attempt.

He took Man City to 9th place in the premiership and a derby double over Man United. Mark Hughes finished 10th next year after spending a lot more on transfers.

Sven’s English sides made the quarter-finals of every major tournament they played and always went out with their heads held high - twice beaten on penalties by Portugal and once by a freak/wonder goal from Ronaldinho.

Sven also got the better of England’s arch nemesis’: a 5-1 win over Germany in the qualifiers and a 1-0 win over Argentina in the World Cup.

And now England under their much vaunted saviour, Fabio Capello, have made a humiliating exit in round 2 of the 2010 World Cup, with the added embarrassment of having suffered their biggest world cup defeat at the hands of a bunch of fledglings from bitter rivals Germany.

Sven came under heavy criticism during his time in England: he was criticized for being ice cold and aloof in the dugout; for repeatedly failing to inspire England (Gareth Southgate criticizing him for being an Iain Duncan Smith and not a Winston Churchill when it came to half time speeches); for lacking imagination and for openly having a string of love affairs.

Now, with England numbed into submission by the greatest blitzkrieg seen since the days of the Battle of Britain, Sven must surely be grinning from ear to ear.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a post match celebratory party with Nancy Dell’Olio and sent a message to all his former bashers.

SERVES YOU RIGHT SUCKERS!!!

The Italians have had their Argentines – from Orsi in the 1934 World Cup to Mauro Camaronesi in 2010.

The Portuguese have their Brazilians – case in point being Deco and Pepe. Recently Liedson’s naturalization we expedited to fill a long standing need for a top striker

The French have almost the half of Africa – Algerians, Tunisians, Senegalese, Malians, Ivory Coast and parts of the Caribbean – Guadeloupe and Cape Verde. The likes of Lilian Thuram, Patrick Viera,Alou Diarra and Abou Diaby have all contributed to France’s footballing cause.

The Dutch have the Surinamese and lately some Moroccans as well. They have had the golden generation of Seedorf, Kluivert, Davids and Reizieger and before them they had Rijkaard and Gullit.

The Germans are miniature version of the United Nations. They have a Brazilian (Cacau), a Ghanaian ( Jerome Boateng), a Turk ( Oezil), a Tunisian ( Khedira) and a couple of Poles ( Klose and Podolski).

Even the Spaniards with their surfeit of midfield talent rode the brilliance of former Brazilian Marcos Senna on their way to Euro 2008 glory.

What do England have?

Hmmmm

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Still thinking

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Nothing

And do they have any pressing needs.

Yes they do.

A goalkeeper, a left sided attacking midfielder and a top class defensive midfielder

So why not pinch someone from South America or Africa ? And there are Finnish goalkeepers galore in the Premier League.

They just got an Italian manager. So what’s the harm in a few ‘naturalized’ players?

Especially when everyone else seems to be benefitting.

There are a number of current and past Man United players in action at the 2010 World Cup. Let’s try and gauge how Sir Alex Ferguson is reacting to their individual performances.

Gabriel Heinze ( after goal against Nigeria) – Damn he can score and has got great heart. But not to bother I’ve got Evra.

Patrice Evra (after being dropped against SA) - Brilliant. Don’t think he’s playing for France again. Will give his best for United.

Diego Forlan ( after two goals against SA) – Aargh. I can’t bear watching the Primera Liga and the UEFA Cup because he haunts me. Now bugger’s started scoring in the World Cup as well. Mercy.

Wayne Rooney ( after the camera outburst post the Algeria game) – Wow. Becks gave me his best season after the 98 disaster. I love it when players come back for the season seeking redemption. Can we have more boos please.

Michael Carrick ( on the bench despite English midfielders struggling to hold and pass) - Thank god. Don’t want his already fragile confidence to get dented further. Let me call Harry on the weekend and con him into buying Carrick.

Park Ji Sung ( after goal against Greece) – Bollocks. Now he’ll want a bigger contract and want to play regularly in a central position.

Nemanja Vidic ( after he needlessly handled the ball and gave a penalty) – Yikes. He’s not even faced Torres and is already losing his head. Wonder if Florentino Perez is still interested?

Cristiano Ronaldo ( after two rather average performances) – Damn the Nike people. Bugger’s got the Nike ad in his head. Every time he’s shooting, he’s thinking of the statue. The Portugal federation should have done something about the video.

Gerard Pique ( after messing a clearance and conceding a goal against Switzerland) – Superb. That should send the Catalans back to their miserable former existence. Let me place some bets on the Spanish making a first round exit.

Juan Sebastian Veron ( after yet another poor pass) - Bravo. Keep doing this you smart ass. Had I not tricked Chelsea into signing him, Veron jokes would have done the rounds every time a South American flopped in England.

Carlos Tevez ( after two fine performances ) – *^$^&%$#%^^&**^%#$%$@@%. Pesky little pest. If he wins the World Cup, bugger will have a parade right in my face in Manchester. Need to get him out of England. Let me go meet Florentino Perez. I need a drink now.

Gideon Haigh on N Srinivasan’s claim of having no conflict of interest issues

N Srinivasan, was more conflicted than Kashmir: BCCI secretary, IPL governing council member, president of the Tamil Nadu Cricket Association, proprietor of the Chennai Super Kings, which employed India’s captain as its captain and India’s chairman of selectors as “brand ambassador”.

I am wondering what else is left ?

As in, who else can Mr Srinivasan hire or what other offices can he assume before he thinks that there is the remote possibility that his cricket interests are conflicting.

He could hire the match referees and the umpires as his team’s assistant coaches.

Or he could become the third umpire himself.

Or he could contract Chirayu Amin’s pharmaceutical company to supply vitamins and other health supplements to his various teams.

Or he could recruit Shashank Manohar as his legal counsel.

Or he could hire Rajeev Shukla as a media affairs consultant for the SuperKings.

Or he could recruit Prof Ratnakar Shetty ( a chemistry teacher at Wilson College when he is not serving Indian cricket) as head of R&D at India Cements.

Or he could become head of the BCCI’s stadiums committee and decide which cement to buy for the stadiums’ construction and repair.

Or he could become the head of the match allocation committee and decide how many matches should be hosted by Chepauk.

Or he could hire L Sivaramakrishnan to play the SuperKings mascot.

Or he could hire Sharad Pawar’s son in law as the SuperKings representative during player auctions. Supriya Sule will still feign ignorance about having anything to do with the IPL.

I give up.

I don’t think there is any way Mr Srinivasan will have a conflict of interest issue.